Key - poetry of Fray Luis de León (Lira)
7A
11B
7A
7B
11B
Their Majesties today aim, 7
Answering the cry of Easterners far flung, 11
Their joint goal to raise fame! 6
Hear the herald’s praising tongue, 7
Against that which apathy would leave unsung. 11
Enrique De Acosta’s been 8
Working on all the martial skills he’s accrued. 11
He’s heretofore unseen. 6
With his drive he will use, 6
The Silver Tyger forward. Now his muse. 10
Matthias and Feilinn 6
At Rusted Woodlands’ Hundred Minutes War 10
Find Our Presence wherein 6
We award with ardor 6
For Enrique will thrive; as the Tyger does roar 12
AS LVIII
You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
I wrestled with some of my initial wiki searches because the search should have been for Renaissance Spanish poetry not 15th Century. Nothing appears to be consistent on the intertweebz. After looking up Spanish Renaissance, I focused on Luis de León as poetry forms appeared to change with the artist at this point in Spanish history.
From there I focused on "La Vida Retirada" or "The Life Removed."
¡Qué descansada vida 7
la del que huye el mundanal ruïdo 11
y sigue la escondida 8
senda por donde han ido 8
los pocos sabios que en el mundo han sido! 14
Que no le enturbia el pecho 10
de los soberbios grandes el estado, 12
ni del dorado techo 7
se admira, fabricado 8
del sabio moro, en jaspes sustentado. 13
No cura si la fama 7
canta con voz su nombre pregonera, 11
ni cura si encarama 7
la lengua lisonjera 7
lo que condena la verdad sincera. 11
The Life Removed by Luis de Leon This had an English translation that appeared to keep the rhyme scheme of the original.
Using my high school Spanish, I approximately averaged the syllable count and between the original and translation, assessed the rhyme to be, on average, the following:
7A
11B
7A
7B
11B
I kept going though, I wanted something concrete in my assessment, rather than just estimations. The Cambridge Introduction to Spanish Poetry by D. Gareth Walters
“The exposition of a positive quality will be succeeded by an equal space of text dedicated to the negative one”
Implying, to me, that the subject of each verse should have a positive and negative component. A style found back as far as St. Augustine’s writings and The Owl and the Nightingale.
Which lead to the poem Vida retirada also by Luis de León
Which appears to have the same rhyme scheme:
¡Qué descansada vida 7
la del que huye el mundanal rüido, 11
y sigue la escondida 8
senda, por donde han ido 8
los pocos sabios que en el mundo han sido! 13
Que no le enturbia el pecho 10
de los soberbios grandes el estado, 12
ni del dorado techo 7
se admira, fabricado 8
del sabio moro, en jaspes sustentado.12
No cura si la Fama 6
canta con voz su nombre pregonera, 11
ni cura si encarama 8
la lengua lisonjera 8
lo que condena la verdad sincera.11
¿Qué presta a mi contento, 8
si soy del vano dedo señalado; 11
si en busca deste viento 8
ando desalentado 7
con ansias vivas, con mortal cuidado? 11
There’s a tantalizing reference to The Horatian Ode which seems to fit the poetry style that Lous de Leon used. Which describes the form as, “written in quatrains made up of rhyming couplets, L1, L2 iambic tetrameter, L3, L4 iambic trimeter and indented. The poet could just as well have written the ode in cinquains in iambic pentameter with alternating rhyme and as long as all of the stanzas were the same, it too could be identified as a Horatian Ode.”
Which seems to support this article, The Life Removed" by Luis de Leon
“Firstly, the structure of the poem is composed of three stanzas, each with four lines. This symmetrical structure gives the poem a sense of balance and order. The consistent use of quatrains also helps to establish a steady rhythm that contributes to the poem's overall musicality.”
Fray Luis de León 1527-91. Life and Work certainly seemed to imply that the Horatian played a part in his works:
“His retreat to the countryside in, for example, De los nombres de Cristo and many poems, also allows him to combine Neoplatonic and Christian ideas with the Horatian (Latin) praise for the simple life while condemning political corruption, commercial avarice, and moral failings.”
With Several articles referring to 4 line quatrains, but the extant Spanish examples of several of his poems with 5 lines, I chose to learn toward the rhyme scheme and syllable count derived from the poems themselves. Although I do feel as if I am missing something, I will use the format I derived from above:
7A
11B
7A
7B
11B
FIRST VERSE
For the first verse of the scroll, I took the third verse from the translated poem I found on wiki. It came out as:
He cares not though his name
Be raised aloft, to winds of rumor flung,
He cares not for the fame
Of cunning flatterer’s tongue,
Not that which truth sincere would leave unsung.
He heeds not though fame raise
His name afar on wings of rumour flung,
He cares not for the praise
Of cunning flatterer's tongue,
Nor for what truth sincere would leave unsung.
Their Majesties today aim, 7
“Name” was changed to aim, keeping the rhyme scheme the same. This became the only rhyme word that I changed from the translation I was using.
In turning this verse into something appropriate for the scroll, I started with mentioning TRM. Interestingly enough, I didn’t name them until the last verse of the scroll.
Answering the cry of Easterners far flung, 11
I managed to keep the original rhyming word here with, “flung.”
The image of TRM answering the request of Their people is one evoked quite often in a scroll. We are a large Kingdom and far flung describes the East well.
Their joint goal to raise fame! 6
In this context I am using fame to equate to recognition in court. Still making it clear that this is from the point of view of Their Majesties.
You can also see here that I didn't strictly adhere to the syllable count I had conceived. In the original poems the syllable count is not 100 percent regular. Therefore I allowed myself a bit of leeway in the composition to reflect that.
Hear the herald’s praising tongue, 7
While this may seem like a perspective change to bring in the herald, they are, however, the voice of Their Majesties, so the perspective remains the same. It is nice to slip in a little reference to the voice herald, the fourth, and most ephemeral, part of the scroll: the presentation to the recipient.
Against that which apathy would leave unsung. 11
The final sentence of the first verse has a little bit of a negative aspect of the original poem that is so difficult to translate to the positive nature of the award document. What I am trying to evoke is the idea of the SCAdian who gets lost in the shuffle and never gets recognized.
VERSE TWO
Enrique De Acosta’s been 8
The naming of the recipient and including a word to fit the rhyme scheme. These both worked well, but it did make the word count too high. Considering how many differences were in the original pieces, I am not counting it as a mistake at all. The syllable count that Fray Luis de León used seemed more of a guideline to begin with.
Working on all the martial skills he’s accrued. 11
Getting into the descriptions of the recipient. This whole section I ended up re-writing completely. The first draft ended up using too much language that would indicate the award was a Silver Brooch or a Maunche. While I would love to include that sort of wordplay on a scroll, I would reserve that for someone getting an award for their research into battle techniques and styles of one of the fighting arts, but the award is a traditional art award.
He’s heretofore unseen. 6
This is the recipient's second Royal Award. And, not for nothing, I love working in a word like “heretofore.” This is not the recipient’s first award. It is, however, their first fighting award and this became a nice way to tweak the language to reflect that.
With his drive he will use, 6
This line is particularly open ended. I didn't find any indication one way or the other that mentioned the wrap around sentences. Commas were very common in the originals and their translations.
The Silver Tyger forward. Now his muse. 10
Here the award is named and the sentence ends mid line. The implication is that the Silver Tyger will be the recipient's spur for further endeavors in the East Kingdom.
VERSE THREE
Matthias and Feilinn 6
At last Their Royal Majesties are named. Their titles are not reiterated at this point, but with the shortness of the words and the feel of the scroll, I think it will go over well.
At Rusted Woodlands’ Hundred Minutes War 10
To make the line the full 11 syllables long, “the” could have been inserted in a couple of places. However, I liked how the flow of the sentence sounded and so decided to keep it at 10 syllables.
Find Our Presence wherein 6
Reiterating Their Majesties point of view here and keeping the rhyme scheme consistent, if not correct to what was chosen.
We award with ardor 6
Since I had such a difficult time finding the right spelling for ardor, I also looked up the etymology to make sure it was the correct word. Ardor has its origins in the 1500s, making it match in time periods, if not the country of origin.
For Enrique will thrive; as the Tyger does roar 12
I adore the rhyme war/roar. I use it often, though hopefully not enough that I sound repetitive. “As the Tyger does roar” is a powerful and strident statement to stop a scroll on. I hope it is read as such.
AS LVIII
Lastly the AS year gets tacked on at the end. My intent is not to have it detract from the previous statement, but be a small addendum spoken quickly by the herald.
There was quite a lot of research in this scroll and I am still not a hundred percent sure that I have the style nailed down accurately. The disparities between the poem and translations with the articles written about them proves that I have further searching to do before I am satisfied with this poetic form.
