This was not a HARD Blog to write.
The C&I scribe for the scroll wanted something ribald and bawdy. Writing a scroll laden with innuendo is a tricky thing. The last time I wrote one, I consulted the scribe, my pelican, and the recipient’s Knight before I approved my own words.
Here, I know the recipient personally and the initial idea for the theme was from the C&I artist, who was also their mundane partner.
With confidence I turned to the internet for inspiration and began looking up phrases and puns as fodder for the scroll.
-Metaphors be with you.
- Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.
-Maybe we should do some penetration testing.
24 Seemingly Innocent Phrases That Are Actually Incredibly Dirty
-The power of the thrust was really remarkable
-We were only riding for maybe five seconds before we were desperate to get off.
Dirty Tongue-In-Cheek Puns That Are Deliciously Inappropriate
-I’m trying to finish writing a script for an adult film, but there are just too many holes in the plot.
-Ever had sex while camping? It’s f*cking intense (in-tents).
-Having sex in elevators is amazing on so many levels.
Alas, looking up individual sayings was getting me nowhere, so I went on an extended internet journey. I searched for Bawdy Ballads and that set the path to finding my inspiration.
TV Tropes - Bawdy Songs, Bawdy ballads, lewd lyrics, rugby songs and folk, Bawdy Ballads of Shakespeare's Time (1600s), Sweet Violets, Shaving Cream.
I almost stopped here, and filled the scroll with the refrain of
“-Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses,
Covered all over from head to foot,
covered all over with snow.”
While historical accuracy wasn’t the goal in a filk, violets seemed a better choice than Shaving cream.
“-Shaving cream
Be nice and clean
Shave every day and you'll always look keen”
It would have been extremely funny, but something wasn’t sitting right. When it comes right down to it, sexual innuendo is more fun that scatalogical humor.
Back to the search engine. I had in the back of my head a vague memory of a bawdy smith song, that would work even better than the Violets song.
Some keyword rearranging later, I found IT:
The Lusty Young Smith
Found the original, here in Volumes 1-6 - Wit and mirth, or, Pills to purge melancholy published between 1698 and 1720.
https://digital.nls.uk/special-collections-of-printed-music/archive/87636885
Being a collection of the best merry ballads and songs, old and new. Fitted to all humours, having each their proper tune for either voice, or instrument: most of the songs being new set. 6 volumes. London, Printed by W. Pearson for J. Tonson, 1719-20. A 19th century reprint from a broken set of the two issues of the 1719-1720 edition. Volumes 1, 3-5 belong to the first issue; Volumes 2 and 6 to the second.
For the sake of the calligrapher and herald I chose not to include the chorus in the words.
The Pink Highlighted words represent the changes made from smith to wordsmith.
**********************
Their Excellencies, Andre l'Eperviere and Genevra d'Angoulême at the Twelfth River Wars in the Fifty Eighth Year of the Society have this to say in regards to the newest recipient of the Sable Compass:
I wrote the introduction last. The filked song tells a story and what information couldn’t fit into the filk was tacked onto the beginning of the words.
Montgomery Josh at his Desk stood a-filing.
His pen laid by but his forge still aglow.
When to him an East kingdom scribe came a-smiling,
And asked if to work on her scroll he would go.
The original verse below:
A lusty young smith at his vice stood a-filing.
His hammer laid by but his forge still aglow.
When to him a buxom young damsel came smiling,
And asked if to work in her forge he would go.
The recipient has become the Blacksmith and the buxom young lady has become the Scribe roles in the song. In many scrolls, the gender is kept as neutral as possible. This is a modern influence on the writing. In period there are few gender neutral points of view in the voices speaking through poetry and verse. Though there was experimentation in keeping the gender of the scribe neutral, it was decided that the filk would continue to use the gender pronouns of the original poem.
"Aye," said the wordsmith, and they went off together,
Along to the Iron Bog Scribe's desk they did go.
They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather.
They kindled a scroll and he made the words glow.
"I will," said the smith, and they went off together,
Along to the young damsel's forge they did go.
They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather.
They kindled a fire and she soon made him blow.
In the first sentence, “I will” was changed to “Aye” simply to add “word” before smith. One of the keys to writing a good filk is keeping as much of the original, when you can. This makes the sentences that might need to be completely rewritten still feel like the original piece.
I kept the entire line of “They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather.” completely as written and leave it to the listener to determine how, exactly, the scribe and wordsmith stripped down
The final sentence of the verse fits more of the blacksmith than the wordsmith. Changing the final rhyming word from blow to glow, kept the overall smithing analogy while still working within the changed paradigm.
For the scrolls, the Scribe said, no good words could come to her.
“My brain for such things was worn out long ago.”
The wordsmith said "Well my brain is in very good order,
And I am now ready, my skill for to show."
Her husband, she said, no good work could afford her.
His strength and his tools were worn out long ago.
The smith said "Well mine are in very good order,
And I am now ready my skill for to show."
For the flow of the filk the cuckolded husband was removed entirely. The innuendo still completely works and nothing was lost in its omission.
Red hot grew his iron, as both did desire,
And he was too wise not to strike while 'twas so.
Said she, "What I get I get out of the fire,
So prithee, strike home and redouble the blow."
This verse was skipped entirely. All told the scroll is over 230 words and something needed to be cut. While the innuendo is delightful, its omission made for a tighter (AHEM) scroll.
Ten times did his pen, by vigorous scribbling,
Come up with ideas in a minute or so,
But as often was written, still hashing and beating,
The words kept on coming, sometimes fast or slow
Six times did his iron, by vigorous heating,
Grow soft in her forge in a minute or so,
But as often was hardened, still beating and beating,
But the more it was softened, it hardened more slow.
Six was changed to ten as a direct reference to the recipient and how many scrolls they have written at this time. It was a personal touch in a scroll that veered wildly from the original and a little bit from what the award is for. It is subtle, and the recipient may be the only one to notice it.
The penultimate verse definitely picked up the pace and reached the ascendency of the scroll.
When the wordsmith rose to go, quoth the scribe full of sorrow:
"Oh, what would I give could my brain do so.
Wordsmith with your pen come hither tomorrow,
But could you use it now for one more scroll ‘ere you go!
When the smith rose to go, quoth the dame full of sorrow:
"Oh, what would I give could my husband do so.
Good lad with your hammer come hither tomorrow,
But pray could you use it once more ere you go!"
The scroll has come to its culmination, as with the original poem.
THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE.
Filk scrolls are always fun and this one was a veritable blast.
