KEY
ABABBCC Rhyme Scheme
/ iamb indicators
Perfect syllable count
Imperfect syllable count
A Before/ Us, Pet/ronil/la de/ la Fenne/ 10
B A light/ of Bar/ony/ Bergen/tal’s flame 10
A Whose name/ has been/ heard a/gain and/ again/ 10
B WIth know/ledge and/ craft they/ have gained/ acclaim/ 10
B for the/ passion/ and skill/ they bring/ Our game/ 10
C First to/ arrive/ at site/ and the/ last left/ 10
C All this/ endeav/or for/ Our ben/efit/ 10
A Baron/ Johan/nes Nic/holai/ has heard/ 10
B BB/M-Ber/gental/ Yule’s time/ permit/ted 11
A That We/ will state/ on this/ Decem/ber 3rd/ 10
B Her con/tribu/tions make/ her well/ fitted/ 10
B For in/clusion/ in: Cup/ of St/ Brigid/ 10
C Anno/ Soci/etat/is fif/ty se/ven 11
C Pet/ronil/la’s poise,/ a brill/iant lev/in 11
BLOG KEEPS ON SLIPPING, SLIPPING, SLIPPING, INTO THE FUTURE…..
I got this assignment the day before Thanksgiving for an event the Saturday after Thanksgiving weekend. When given a last minute assignment I usually chose a verse form I am familiar with rather than something new that will require a lot of research.
Even though the recipient has no wiki entry, the Scribe, Marion Kirkpatrick, was able to provide 13th century Briton for the recipient’s persona. I chose Chaucer’s Rhyme Royal, a delightfully complex bit of poetry whose popularity lasted for centuries after Chaucer introduced it.
Rhyme Royal has 10 syllables per line in Iambic pentameter with an ABABBCC rhyme scheme.
I worked on it and sent this off to the Illuminator/Calligrapher:
A Petronilla de la Fenne
B A light of Bergental’s flame
A Name’s heard again and again
B and gaining quite the acclaim
B for passion and skill in game
C First to arrive and last left
C All for Our group’s benefit
A We, Johannes Nicholai
B Baron of this august land
A Will now today testify
B of all her contributions
B has led to her inclusion
C in the Cup of St Brigid
C An award quite well fitted
A December 3rd, As We Rule,
B At Barony Beyond the
A Mountain and Bergental Yule
B At a court that won't be prolonged
B Fifty Seventh year belonged
C to Anno Societatis
C Done for justified reasons
I looked over it for spelling and sent it off, secure in the thought that while rushed, I had given it due justice and created good words for the award.
As the event was the upcoming Saturday, I decided to write my blog in advance, so I could publish it the day of. As I was writing, I noticed SOMETHING WAS WRONG!!! I had completely messed up the syllable count - seven syllables per line instead of ten.
I immediately wrote to Marion, explained the problem and tried to illustrate that even though the words sounded good, the form was incorrect. The best analogy I could come up with was: if the scribe were attempting to be as period as possible and wrote in a 1300s gothic font for a scroll that had been written and illuminated in Old Irish of the 9th century.
Though the scroll was set to go out in a matter of days, she told me to go for it and correct the issue. I am very grateful to Marion trusting me with this last minute change. I would have been distraught to have sent out a scroll, not just with a mismatched poetic form to period, but one with just blatant errors in the form itself.
I blocked out all distractions and got to work.
Making the changes turned out easier than anticipated. I already had the rhymes done. In the first verse, I just needed to increase the sentences to ten syllables. This time as I went through it I made sure to mark the iambs for the iambic pentameter. I was taking no chances this time around! The last two verses I combined in their new lengthened form to include all the pertinent information.
A Before Us, Petronilla de la Fenne
B A light of Baony Bergental’s flame
A Whose name has been heard again and again
This first verse had the least changes to my original version. I decided to start out with the recipient’s name and followed that with the Baronial name. While they were new to the Barony and the group they had previous experience with recreation groups and had hit the ground running, as it were in their participation.
B WIth knowledge and craft they have gained acclaim
B For the passion and skill they bring Our game
C First to arrive at site and the last left
C All this endeavor for Our benefit
While the recommendation did list many of the recipient’s contributions and hobbies within the sca, such as fiber arts, I chose to emphasize the generalities of their service. To come into a group with experience from another established group and being able to transfer those skills in new ways is a laudable skill. I hope that came through in what I chose to emphasize for the scroll.
A Baron Johannes Nicholai has heard
B BBM-Bergental Yule’s time permitted 11
A That We will state on this December 3rd
THe first 3 lines of the second verse are mainly informational/ The Baron’s name, and the date. The event name proved to need a bit more tweaking. There are particular abbreviations that are common in the East Kingdom: EK, AS (More on that in the final section) and BBM for the Barony Beyond the Mountain. I like to be able to give the full name of the event. However, as happened here the best way to keep the line count and rhyme was to shorten the Baronies name to its initials. Even with the shortening to BBM, I still had the one extra syllable in the line. In the end I chose the extra syllable, though I could have dropped, “time.” But I felt for the scroll to make sense it needed “time” and I felt the full hit rhyme of permitted/fitted would help alleviate the “glancing hit” rhyme of, “Brigid.”
B Her contributions make her well fitted
B For inclusion in: Cup of St Brigid
In the earlier version I had contributions/conclusions as my end words. When I combined the 2 verses I realized that while I definitely wanted to keep them and their relevance, I could easily absorb them into the new sentences. That way I could end the words with Fitted/Brigid. Which, while the “glancing hit” rhymes still sounded better to me than rhyming a plural with a singular.
C Anno Societatis fifty seven 11
C Petronilla’s poise, a brilliant levin 11
I simply cannot say how much I look forward to May and the new year of the SCA. I will have 3 years of easily rhymed numbers.
I certainly could have abbreviated Anno Societatis to AS, but I chose to go with the full version. Even though technically it is 11 syllables and not 10, “Societatis is so often slurred into 4 syllables instead of 5, I felt it worked.
The last word I used is one that I have been trying to use for the past year! A full hi rhyme for seven, “levin” is an archaic word from Middle English; what Chaucer wrote in. In the first verse the recipient was called a bright flame, and in the last sentence essentially named them as Bright as lightning. A synchronicity in the poetry that I appreciate.
I find that I like this second version better. It is tighter and more polished than the original. While there are 3 syllable count errors, they were all conscious decisions that I chose to include. I feel the intent of the mistakes is what is key to the success of the scroll. I even managed to shorten the scroll by 9 words!
While it certainly represents a more intense burst of energy than I usually need to put into a scroll, I am glad I did it. I would definitely like to kick my own ass as gnash my teeth and wail over it all, mistakes happen.
As it is, the scroll and the award are better now.
