In the dark, or waning
Languid in the night’s Sky,
He marks his true Path of
Enduring, deep Service
Long Years in the Eastrealm.
Most joyfully We give this deserved Silver Wheel.
Mindful of his steadfast Aid, from scores of Kitchens to as many Gates, do We, Brennan mac Fearghus, König, and Caoilfhionn inghean Fhaoláin, Königin, bestow upon Herr Wilhelm von Freiburg the Silver Wheel this AS LVIII, at the Eastern Crown Tournament in the Crown Province of Østgardr
Words by Words by Ana de Guzmán and Aislinn Chiabach.
These excerpts and quotes are from email conversations and Facebook chats. There is some slight editing in this extended conversation, for side conversations and whatnot.
What follows shows the evolution of a scroll and how two people can really work to make a suburb end product together.
What Ana sent me:
Hello, Aislinn,
And here it is. I used a meter and a rhyme scheme found in a Minnesang, where two of the lines don't rhyme, and the last line is 12 syllables instead of six. I also capitalized nouns, as the written German tends to do. Of course, the royal We is used.
I hope this will serve. Let me know what you think before I send it to the calligrapher/illuminator.
My many thanks.
Ana
Whether the Moon is full,
His Light a Guide in Dark,
Else waning as He marks,
Eternally, his Path,
Let None e’er doubt Herr Wil-
Helm von Freiburg’s thoughtful
Enduring Service, these
Long Years in the Eastrealm.
Most joyfully We grant a Silver Wheel with Ease.
Mindful of Herr Wilhelm’s steadfast help, whether in kitchens or at the gates of events beyond
count, do We, Brennan mac Fearghus, König, and Caoilfhionn inghean Fhaoláin, Königin, bestow
him the Silver Wheel this VIth of May, AS LVIII, at the Eastern Crown Tournament in the Crown
Province of Østgardr.
____________, König
____________, Königin
____________, Brigantia
Wordcount 102
My response:
OK, I have done a few things.
What follows is, my first version of your upper poem. I focused on your syllable count and the Acrostic of his name. I pretty much ignored the Minnesang rhyme scheme though:
W- Whether the Moon is full,
I- In the Dark or waning
L- Languid in the night's sky
H- He marks his path of
E- Enduring, deep Service
L- Long Years in the Eastrealm.
M- Most joyfully We give this deserved Silver Wheel
W Whether full or waning
I In echoed iridescence
L Languid as the moon's light.
H He marks a path with heart
E Enduring example [of]
L Lasting service in Our lands
M More so Our Order of the Silver Wheel's mirrored
On to the lower half of the scroll:
In Wilhelm von Freiburg
Mindful of his steadfast aid, from scores of kitchens to as many gates, do We, Brennan mac Fearghus, König, and Caoilfhionn inghean Fhaoláin, Königin, bestow him the Silver Wheel this AS LVIII, at the Eastern Crown Tournament in the Crown Province of Østgardr.
Wordcount 89
You can see where I trimmed words and got poetic with others.
The theme you choose is perfect! Languid seems to really describe the recipient to me, and fits with the moon imagery you've created.
I try to avoid certain words, like "service" and "work," because we generally know what a service award is for and it becomes an opportunity to flex those vocabulary skills!
I took out the word "grant." This is an Armerigous award and while not as dire as it once was (because we have so many ways to confirm an award now) It is still considered bad form to use in non grant bearing awards.
There is a current note on scroll assignments from the signet that says, "To allow for as much flexibility in planning as possible, please use the event name and A.S year but not the date."
So I adjusted that in the body of the words.
I also wanted to emphasize that this award represents decades of service. To really give them a little more weight, as it were.
You can include the, “König, Königin, Brigantia. It only adds 3 extra words to the final count. You as the wordsmith don't have to include the lines for the signatures. The C&I artist will put them if they decide the lines are needed.
I hope you like what I did. Feel free to use it or not as you will.
Whatever is best for you.
~Aislinn
Ana's response:
Ah! This is amazing! I had kept to an established rhyme scheme, and so it sounded a little forced, but this works very well keeping to the meter. I will ask that both our names be mentioned, because credit should be given where it is due! I know he will be doubly touched to know your part in this!
Thanks and thanks and ever thanks!
Ana
My response:
I am so glad you like it! I was getting totally paranoid this morning that I'd abandoned the rhyme scheme. Late night composing and then over thinking. You know how that goes.
I appreciate the credit, thank you so much!
Spelled: Aislinn Chiabach
Final version that was sent to the C&I Artist:
Whether the Moon is full,
In the dark, or waning
Languid in the night’s Sky,
He marks his true Path of
Enduring, deep Service
Long Years in the Eastrealm.
Most joyfully We give this deserved Silver Wheel.
Mindful of his steadfast Aid, from scores of Kitchens to as many Gates, do We, Brennan mac Fearghus, König, and Caoilfhionn inghean Fhaoláin, Königin, bestow upon Herr Wilhelm von Freiburg the Silver Wheel this AS LVIII, at the Eastern Crown Tournament in the Crown Province of Østgardr.
____________, König
____________, Königin
____________, Brigantia
Words by Ana de Guzmán and Aislinn Chiabach.
The acrostic is a feature of 13th century German poetry, the acrostic spelling out the name of the subject of the poem. The moon is masculine in the German language, hence the imagery of this poem. Six syllables per line are used except for the last line which uses 12, a structure often used for Minnesang.
The end result was a much better scroll than what had started. It became something the recipient will treasure and I was just as glad to be able to contribute something to his award.
East Kingdom Gazette Court Report from Crown Tourney
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