Her first event lit fires under her
proverbial gluteus maximus
Then pledged to never sit and watch again
Caccia Trice Stenone is before us now
She sparks under tails, so folk can excel
She Works her rear off in this time of plague
She's moving ever forward, not behind
Caccia follows her household motto
"Totus Kulas aut Nulus Kulas"
"All Ass or No Ass” For half-assed she is not
And today We: Ioannes, Emperor!
Honig, Empress! Give the Silver Tyger
Unto Our Caccia with all that entails
Done November 6th, AS LVI
At Crown Tournament in the
Barony of Bergental
Word count: 100
Illumination & Calligraphy by Fiona the Volatile
Photo by Fiona the Volatile
THE TUSH REFERENCES REVEALED:
Her first event lit fires under her
proverbial gluteus maximus
Then pledged to never sit and watch again
Caccia Trice Stenone is before us now
She sparks under tails, so folk can excel
She Works her rear off in this time of plague
She's moving ever forward, not behind
Caccia follows her household motto
"Totus Kulas aut Nulus Kulas"
"All Ass or No Ass” For half-assed she is not
And today We: Ioannes, Emperor!
Honig, Empress! Give the Silver Tyger
Unto Our Caccia with all that entails
Done November 6th, AS LVI
At Crown Tournament in the
Barony of Bergental
Butt Enough About Me, Onto the Blog!
Choosing the writing style for this scroll was easy. I had just done research on the Court Barony I wrote for Baroness Timbrien, who also had a Roman Gladiatrix persona. The recommendation specifically mentioned Timbrien as a mentor to the recipient.
I started looking for information about female gladiators to try to find inspiration. I did not find much. In the Essays on the History and Culture of Rome I found a piece on The Roman Gladiator and the writings of Gaius Cornelius Tacitus (c.56 AD - c.120 AD) Women were rarely mentioned other than a passing reference. I did find New evidence of female gladiators, which was particularly lovely for all the extant photos of statues and mosaics of female gladiators.
While this line of inquiry wasn’t as fruitful as I had hoped, it was certainly an interesting side trip through internet research. Looking elsewhere for inspiration, I turned to the recipient's write-up ... and quickly realized this scroll was going to contain a long string of "butt" jokes. (I checked with the knight listed as the recipient's contact and was assured she'd appreciate it, for reasons that will become apparent.)
Her first event lit fires under her
proverbial gluteus maximus
These first 2 sentences were taken directly from the recommendation and heavily influenced by the recipient's household motto (more on that later). Using “gluteus maximus” was particularly amusing for me. Not only was this actual Latin, but a reference to Gluteus Maximus – a legionary chosen to represent Rome at the Olympics -- in Asterix at the Olympic Games, a comic I associate with the 1984 Olympics.
Then pledged to never sit and watch again
This was a reference to the recipient's first time watching fighting in the East Kingdom and their desire to never sit on the sidelines.
"Sit" is another reference to the posterior, and also an evocative reminder of, "as I sit, there I was" (a common replacement for the popular phrase, "no sh*t, there I was," often accompanied by a gesture toward the speaker’s arse).
I wrote the next few sentences about the subject. I had distilled the qualities praised in the recommendation down to three basic elements:
Caccia Trice Stenone is before us now
A standard introduction to the recipient. I tried a few times, but couldn't manage a rump reference here.
She sparks under tails, so folk can excel
The write up specifically mentions how she inspired a household member to enter Crown for the first time ... lit a fire under their ass, so to speak. But I had to work within my 10 syllable limit, convey that it was her actions that were inspiring others, and not use the word, “ass.” (That came later.)
She Works her rear off in this time of plague
This was the “has drive” sentence. The majority of her time in the SCA has been during COVID and she has still pushed herself and others in her group.
My process is to write the words in a fairly straightforward and traditional way. Then keep on altering individual words.
For the third of these descriptive sentences, my first version was:
Has the drive to move ever forward
... based on the aforementioned distilled qualities. But I rump - er, ramped up the butt references, so I cheekily changed it to:
She's moving ever forward, not behind
Caccia follows her household motto
"Totus Kulas aut Nulus Kulas"
"All Ass or No Ass” For half-assed she is not
And now we get to the real reason behind all these references: the recipient's household, La Familia Gladiatoria, had a very detailed wiki page that included this motto!
And today We: Ioannes, Emperor!
Honig, Empress! Give the Silver Tyger
I rarely put punctuation into scrolls, as it's usually not period for a variety of eras and just adds another “letter” for the calligraphers to draw. But in this case I included the exclamation point as a guide to the herald who would read the scroll in court.
Unto Our Caccia with all that entails
And alas, that's the "end" of the jokes for this scroll. I feel a little guilty that it is essentially a repeat, but the word was perfect here. This is the recipient’s first award in the SCA and I wanted to indicate that she will have the Award of Arms that accompanies the armerigious awards.
Done November 6th, AS LVI
At Crown Tournament in the
Barony of Bergental
During the last year and a half of COVID Times, it was specifically requested that the date be left out of any scroll presented in an Ethereal Court. Now here I was including the information again. I didn't even try to use unrhymed iambic pentameter. It added an extra 13 words, bringing the total up to 100 - usually the limit of what I like to include in an AoA or armerigious scroll.
All told I used seven different references to butt in the scroll and nine more in the write up. I had a load of fun writing this, and I hope that the recipient and the folk at court will enjoy it as well. It's been a while since I could string together so many jokes in one scroll. It's nice to get, uh, back to that.
This was first slated to go out at the Crown Tournament of Ioannes II & Honig II
Instead it has gone out at Les Beltaines XXXIII (EK Rapier Championship)
