Montgomery Jost - Sable Compass

It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Barons of Iron Bog tonight

It's time to meet Baron André 

And then Baroness Genevra

It's time for them to give out the Sable Compass tonight 

Why do we always come here

Pennsic heat’s the worst, We know! 

This year it’s been a scorcher 

But we gotta stay for court, 

He does the field siege weapons 

He's MADE those field siege weapons!  

He does combat archery, building catapults, Takes the field at war, Montgomery-ational! 

This is what we call  Montgomery Josh's Award! 

Word count 99 

Illumination and Calligraphy by Katherine Barr

Photo by Katherine Barr

 The Great Gonzo will shoot himself heavenward in a catapult and sky write the BLOG!

-Kermit the Frog

Yaaaaaay

-Miss Piggy

This Iron Bog Baronial scroll for The Order of the Sable Gauntlet went out this past Pennsic.  The Scribe asked me to write it the day after the recipient had posted that they were watching the Muppet Movie. With that, how could I possibly resist such a filk?

There are many versions of the The Muppet Show Theme. I chose the Season Five theme song, as it had Statler and Waldorf sing their commentary:
Kermit:

It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star…

(name of celebrity on episode)!

Female Chorus:

It's time to play the music

It's time to light the lights

It's time to meet the Muppets

On The Muppet Show tonight

Male Chorus:

It's time to put on makeup

It's time to dress up right

It's time to raise the curtain

On The Muppet Show tonight

Statler & Waldorf:

Why do we always come here?

I guess we'll never know

It's like a kind of torture

To have to watch the show

The Muppets:

But now let's get things started

Audience

Why don't you get things started?

Kermit:

It's time to get things started

ALL:

On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational

This is what we call The Muppet Show!

Since I personally know the recipient and their partner was the scribe I was perfectly comfortable with this filk as a scroll.  While the words are rather generic in regards to the award the subject and the descriptions make it personal, and hopefully be received with love.

It's time to play the music

It's time to light the lights

I chose to start from the chorus, skipping Kermit’s Season Five introduction. This served to ground the listener fully in what the scroll and filk is. 

Keeping these lines original grounds the audience.

It's time to meet the Barons of Iron Bog tonight

“It's time to meet the Muppets/On The Muppet Show tonight”

Muppets got changed to Barons.  While they don’t rhyme by any stretch of the imagination, they both match in syllable count and intonation.
“Of Iron Bog tonight” has one less syllable than “On the Muppet Show tonight.” But because the words flow similarity  and the verse ends on the same word as the original it sounds correct to the listener.

It's time to meet Baron André 

The second verse starts the same as the first and I copied that.

“It's time to put on makeup” once again I am squeezing an extra syllable into the line.  “To meet” when speaking or singing is easily shortened to something like “t’meet” and preserve the sound being parodied.

And then Baroness Genevra

And with introducing the Baroness, I had to drop the “It’s time to” phrase from the original piece. But with a deviating line sandwiched between the lines that adhered to the original, it was able to work and keep the flow of the filk moving.

It's time for them to give out/

Here in the bottom part of the line sandwich it was important to keep the first few words and syllable count exact.  While also furthering along the story the scroll is taking, that of Their Excellencies giving an award to the recipient,

/the Sable Gauntlet tonight 

This had the same syllable count and endword as the original: “On The Muppet Show tonight”

Being able to incorporate  the standard pieces of information into the original makes the filk work so well.

Why do we always come here

The bridge of the opening in this season was Statler and Waldorf and included scathing commentary about the Muppet Show itself.  By using the first sentence of the bridge verbatim, it grounds the audience in  what they are hearing,

Pennsic heat’s the worst, We know! 

I felt turning the heated commentary of the two Muppets towards the Pennsic heat was certainly a safe way to play it.   This gave the location of the award, fulfilling that requirement and grounds the audience to the song. Those who have gone to Pennsic, who are even at the event while receiving the award, definitely know of the heat being spoken about here!

This year it’s been a scorcher 

The original: “It's like a kind of torture”
When one can’t use any of the words in the body of the sentence working it backwards from the rhyme of the original is the way used here.

But we gotta stay for court, 

This was from the perspective of the Baron and Baroness, and the thought that they were reluctant to stay for court is what made it more humorous to me. As if the ones hosting court didn’t want to be there.  Which is in line with the characters of Statler and Waldorf.

He does the field siege weapons 

The last section of the Muppet Show theme song is a little bit of back and forth between the audience and the chores that leads to the final announcement.  Still using it in the context of the Baronetcy talking to each other the last few lines continued.

He's MADE those field siege weapons!  

Though these may seem like statements arguing with each other, they aren’t.  But are still telling the audience what the recipient has done to earn the award,

He does combat archery, building catapults, Takes the field at war, Montgomery-ational! 

For the rousing conclusion, I took the second to  last line of the theme song and plugged in the recipient’s credits, matching syllables and combinations to the final “Montgomery-ational”

That was a bit of fun putting it all together!

This is what we call  Montgomery Josh's Award! 

At last the final announcement! 

This was so much fun to write and it came together so easily.  The Muppets are near and dear to my heart and it was wonderful to be able to share this with someone who would appreciate them as much as I do.
I love writing for baronial awards.
Absolutely Muppet-ational!

I even found a Muppet sketch with a catapult!

Caitrina Gordon - Order of the Pelican

We Matthias and Æsa feilinn, King and Queen of the East do share this  feast for Caitrina Gordon:  

The Pelicans’ Repast 

Rose Water Wash: Cleanliness, always providing safe actions, offer no detraction

First Remove: 

Pelican’s Broth: Soup simmered with seasoned dedication well above of her station
Vigilant You Stand Vinaigrette: Dressing of oil, wine, & herbs, with sweet red rose tea that adds flavor to profound heights

Feathered Duck Laurel Leaved Salat: Seasoned crisp greens bright with gratitude. As we all know, love is food.

Second Remove

Chivalric Grilled Lamb: Cooked over talking flames of valor and persistence to show prowess under pressure.

Defene’s Peas and Baby Onions in a Cream Sauce: A veritable garden of goodness, simmered in knowledge, loyalty, and sacrifice.

Peerage Stuffed Ravioli: Pasta stuffed of courtesy, love, and care leaving no empty bellies

Fealty Fritters: Apples fried in trust, promises, humility, and inspiration

Dessert:

Silver Crescent Cookies: Shortbread honoring the past service of time.

Kingdom Candied Lemon slices: Harmonious blend of achievements and imagination. 

With this feast, do We hereby induct Our dear, Caitrina Gordon, to the Order of the Pelican. Affirmed by these Letters Patent: Vert, on a fess between two pairs of rapiers in saltire Or a domestic cat couchant sable. Done this Mudthaw in the Barony of Settmour Swamp AS 58.

Calligraphy and Illumination:  Katherine Barr

Words by:  Aislinn Chiabach  and Minion Igor

This Blog is Under Construction

Photo by Katherine Barr

Photo by Katrín refkeila

Photo by Scheherazade al-Zahira 

Montgomery Josh - Sable Compass

Their Excellencies, Andre l'Eperviere and Genevra d'Angoulême at the Twelfth River Wars in the Fifty Eighth Year of the Society have this to say in regards to the newest recipient of the Sable Compass:

Montgomery Josh at his Desk stood a-filing.

His pen laid by but his forge still aglow. 

When to him an East kingdom scribe came a-smiling,

And asked if to work on her scroll he would go.

"Aye," said the wordsmith, and they went off together,

Along to the Iron Bog Scribe's desk they did go. 

They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather. 

They kindled a scroll and he made the words glow.

For the scrolls, the Scribe said, no good words could come to her. 

“My brain for such things was worn out long ago.”

The wordsmith said "Well my brain is in very good order,

And I am now ready, my skill for to show." 

Ten times did his pen, by vigorous scribbling,

Come up with ideas in a minute or so, 

But as often was written, still hashing and beating,

The words kept on coming, sometimes fast or slow

When the wordsmith rose to go, quoth the scribe full of sorrow:

"Oh, what would I give could my brain do so.

Wordsmith with your pen come hither tomorrow,

But could you use it now for one more scroll ‘ere you go!

Word Count 232

This was not a HARD Blog to write.

The C&I scribe for the scroll wanted something ribald and bawdy. Writing a scroll laden with innuendo is a tricky thing.  The last time I wrote one, I consulted the scribe, my pelican, and the recipient’s Knight before I approved my own words.
Here, I know the recipient personally and the initial idea for the theme was from the C&I artist, who was also their mundane partner.

With confidence I turned to the internet for inspiration and began looking up phrases and puns as fodder for the scroll.

Writing Puns

-Metaphors be with you.

- Why do words and punctuation end up in court? To be sentenced.

Nerdy Sexual Innuendo

-Maybe we should do some penetration testing.

24 Seemingly Innocent Phrases That Are Actually Incredibly Dirty

-The power of the thrust was really remarkable

-We were only riding for maybe five seconds before we were desperate to get off.

Dirty Tongue-In-Cheek Puns That Are Deliciously Inappropriate

-I’m trying to finish writing a script for an adult film, but there are just too many holes in the plot.

-Ever had sex while camping? It’s f*cking intense (in-tents).

-Having sex in elevators is amazing on so many levels.

Alas, looking up individual sayings was getting me nowhere, so I went on an extended internet journey.  I searched for Bawdy Ballads and that set the path to finding my inspiration.

TV Tropes - Bawdy Songs, Bawdy ballads, lewd lyrics, rugby songs and folk, Bawdy Ballads of Shakespeare's Time (1600s), Sweet Violets, Shaving Cream.
I almost stopped here, and filled the scroll with the refrain of
“-Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses,

Covered all over from head to foot, 

covered all over with snow.”
While historical accuracy wasn’t the goal in a filk, violets seemed a better choice than Shaving cream.
“-Shaving cream

Be nice and clean

Shave every day and you'll always look keen”

It would have been extremely funny, but something wasn’t sitting right. When it comes right down to it, sexual innuendo is more fun that scatalogical humor. 

Back to the search engine. I had in the back of my head a vague memory of a bawdy smith song, that would work even better than the Violets song.
Some keyword rearranging later, I found IT:
The Lusty Young Smith

Found the original, here in Volumes 1-6 - Wit and mirth, or, Pills to purge melancholy published between 1698 and 1720. 

https://digital.nls.uk/special-collections-of-printed-music/archive/87636885

Being a collection of the best merry ballads and songs, old and new. Fitted to all humours, having each their proper tune for either voice, or instrument: most of the songs being new set. 6 volumes. London, Printed by W. Pearson for J. Tonson, 1719-20. A 19th century reprint from a broken set of the two issues of the 1719-1720 edition. Volumes 1, 3-5 belong to the first issue; Volumes 2 and 6 to the second.

For the sake of the calligrapher and herald I chose not to include the chorus in the words.

The Pink Highlighted words represent the changes made from smith to wordsmith.

**********************

Their Excellencies, Andre l'Eperviere and Genevra d'Angoulême at the Twelfth River Wars in the Fifty Eighth Year of the Society have this to say in regards to the newest recipient of the Sable Compass:

I wrote the introduction last.  The filked song tells a story and what information couldn’t fit into the filk was tacked onto the beginning of the words.

Montgomery Josh at his Desk stood a-filing.

His pen laid by but his forge still aglow. 

When to him an East kingdom scribe came a-smiling,

And asked if to work on her scroll he would go.

The original verse below:

A lusty young smith at his vice stood a-filing.

His hammer laid by but his forge still aglow.

When to him a buxom young damsel came smiling,

And asked if to work in her forge he would go.

The recipient has become the Blacksmith and the buxom young lady has become the Scribe roles in the song. In many scrolls, the gender is kept as neutral as possible.  This is a modern influence on the writing.  In period there are few gender neutral points of view in the voices speaking through poetry and verse.  Though there was experimentation in keeping the gender of the scribe neutral, it was decided that the filk would continue to use the gender pronouns of the original poem.

"Aye," said the wordsmith, and they went off together,

Along to the Iron Bog Scribe's desk they did go. 

They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather. 

They kindled a scroll and he made the words glow.

"I will," said the smith, and they went off together,

Along to the young damsel's forge they did go.

They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather.

They kindled a fire and she soon made him blow.

In the first sentence, “I will” was changed to “Aye” simply to add “word” before smith. One of the keys to writing a good filk is keeping as much of the original, when you can.  This makes the sentences that might need to be completely rewritten still feel like the original piece.
I kept the entire line of “They stripped to go to it, 'twas hot work and hot weather.” completely as written and leave it to the listener to determine how, exactly, the scribe and wordsmith stripped down
The final sentence of the verse fits more of the blacksmith than the wordsmith. Changing the final rhyming word from blow to glow, kept the overall smithing analogy while still working within the changed paradigm. 

For the scrolls, the Scribe said, no good words could come to her. 

“My brain for such things was worn out long ago.”

The wordsmith said "Well my brain is in very good order,

And I am now ready, my skill for to show." 

Her husband, she said, no good work could afford her.

His strength and his tools were worn out long ago.

The smith said "Well mine are in very good order,

And I am now ready my skill for to show."

For the flow of the filk the cuckolded husband was removed entirely. The innuendo still completely works and nothing was lost in its omission.

Red hot grew his iron, as both did desire,

And he was too wise not to strike while 'twas so.

Said she, "What I get I get out of the fire,

So prithee, strike home and redouble the blow."

This verse was skipped entirely. All told the scroll is over 230 words and something needed to be cut. While the innuendo is delightful, its omission made for a tighter (AHEM) scroll.

Ten times did his pen, by vigorous scribbling,

Come up with ideas in a minute or so, 

But as often was written, still hashing and beating,

The words kept on coming, sometimes fast or slow

Six times did his iron, by vigorous heating,

Grow soft in her forge in a minute or so,

But as often was hardened, still beating and beating,

But the more it was softened, it hardened more slow.

Six was changed to ten as a direct reference to the recipient and how many scrolls they have written at this time.  It was a personal touch in a scroll that veered wildly from the original and a little bit from what the award is for.  It is subtle, and the recipient may be the only one to notice it.

The penultimate verse definitely picked up the pace and reached the ascendency of the scroll.

When the wordsmith rose to go, quoth the scribe full of sorrow:

"Oh, what would I give could my brain do so.

Wordsmith with your pen come hither tomorrow,

But could you use it now for one more scroll ‘ere you go!

When the smith rose to go, quoth the dame full of sorrow:

"Oh, what would I give could my husband do so.

Good lad with your hammer come hither tomorrow,

But pray could you use it once more ere you go!"

The scroll has come to its culmination, as with the original poem.

THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE.

Filk scrolls are always fun and this one was a veritable blast.