Robert d'Whitmont - Silver Crescent

In the East Realm! O, Our East Realm! 

For the East Lands We do Rule 

King Ioannes and Queen Honig 

Are so filled with gratitude 

For Our Fine Robert d'Whitmont 

They that call Harry the Squid 

Who's years of service he'll not flaunt 

Softly doing what needs bid 

A presence at all assembly  

Chainmail fixings by his side 

Willing to teach folk, if they're free 

Giving kith, kin, and gear a ride

At Barony of An Dubhaigeainn 

AS 56, at St Andrew's

The date of November 13 

Amongst praises most perfuse 

We do grant the Silver Crescent 

Unto Robert d'Whitmont 

Witnessed today by all present 

Accolades, now his to flaunt 

******SPACE FOR ARMS******

The East Kingdom! O, the East Realm!

For the East will always shine 

Robert's afore Us, full of whelm 

As we laud him, all in rhyme 

Word Count: 136

In a cavern, in a canyon

Da-da-da da-da-da-da ...

A BLOG with no recognizable merit whatsoever

(With thanks to Tom Lehrer for the BLOG title)

This turned out to be an absolute joy to write.  The recipient is someone that I know, though not terribly well, but is a great friend of the calligrapher/illuminator Fiona the Volatile. He had a wonderfully detailed write up to work with and I had numerous personal stories as well.  

One story I wanted to reference was a tale of woe. How they were "lost and dirty in NewJersey on the way to war.” At some point in the past the recipient’s friends immortalized the tail in a filk to the tune of Oh My Darling, Clementine - commonly credited to Percy Montrose (1884).  Clementine follows a Trochee metre, but I followed the syllable count and verse structure more than the metric feet.

I started with a direct filk of the chorus from these  lyrics:

Oh my darling, oh my darling

Oh my darling, Clementine

You were lost and gone forever

Dreadful sorrow, Clementine

This became:

In the East Realm! O, Our East Realm! 

For the East Lands We do Rule 

King Ioannes and Queen Honig 

Are so filled with gratitude 

Originally I had the line, “O, the East Realm” repeated 3 times. But since the scroll is shorter than the song and I did have to convey certain information, I chose to vary each line to make it more interesting.

I also had to abandon the rhyme scheme, though I did keep it to the required 8 syllables per line.

For Our Fine Robert d'Whitmont 

They that call Harry the Squid 

Who's years of service he'll not flaunt 

Softly doing what needs bid 

In this verse I introduced the recipient and summed up why he was getting the award. He was described as the sort of person who goes above and beyond, yet never thinks it was a big deal. I also wanted to emphasize that he does what needs doing without being told.

 A presence at all assembly  

Chainmail fixings by his side 

Willing to teach folk, if they're free 

Giving kith, kin, and gear a ride

The next verse filled out more details of his service: how he’s at every local demo and event, a dependable aide to the autocrat. How he brings chainmail projects to events and is always willing to teach anyone who shows interest.  And an oblique reference to his overloaded vehicle on the way to Pennsic.

At Barony of An Duhaigeainn 

AS 56, at St Andrew's

The date of November 13 

Amongst praises most perfuse

This verse gave me the most trouble.  The place, date and hosting event rarely fit into a rhyme scheme and this was no different.  In the end, the first two lines of this verse with the barony, event and Anno Socieatatus year both have 9 syllables.  Hopefully I made up for this by keeping up the rhyme scheme.

We do grant the Silver Crescent 

Unto Robert d'Whitmont 

Witnessed today by all present 

Accolades, now his to flaunt 

Here I name the award being given. Early in my wordsmithing career I mistakenly used the word "grant" in an AoA scroll, and unfortunately the scribe only noticed the mistake after the calligraphy was finished. Since then I've learned better, and this time as it’s a grant level award I got to use that word.

 

This is also where I chose to put in the Space for the recipient’s Arms.  As far as I could find he has none registered.  

The East Kingdom! O, the East Realm!! 

For the East will always shine 

Robert's afore Us, full of whelm 

As we laud him, all in rhyme 

In the concluding verse, as in the song, I repeated the "O, the East Realm" lines. I particularly liked the last two rhymes: realm/whelm and shine/rhyme. 

While I didn't get much of the anecdotes, and details I had, which was lovely, I hope that the choice of metre and the song will do it for me, and that the recipient enjoys it.

EK Court Report: Saint Andrews

Caccia Trice Stenone - Silver Tyger

Her first event lit fires under her 

proverbial gluteus maximus 

Then pledged to never sit and watch again 

Caccia Trice Stenone is before us now 

She sparks under tails, so folk can excel 

She Works her rear off in this time of plague 

She's moving ever forward, not behind

Caccia follows her household motto 

"Totus Kulas aut Nulus Kulas"  

"All Ass or No Ass” For half-assed she is not 

And today We: Ioannes, Emperor!

Honig, Empress! Give the Silver Tyger 

Unto Our Caccia with all that entails 

Done November 6th, AS LVI

At Crown Tournament in the

Barony of Bergental

Word count: 100 

THE TUSH REFERENCES REVEALED:

Her first event lit fires under her 

proverbial gluteus maximus 

Then pledged to never sit and watch again 

Caccia Trice Stenone is before us now 

She sparks under tails, so folk can excel 

She Works her rear off in this time of plague 

She's moving ever forward, not behind

Caccia follows her household motto 

"Totus Kulas aut Nulus Kulas"  

"All Ass or No Ass” For half-assed she is not 

And today We: Ioannes, Emperor!

Honig, Empress! Give the Silver Tyger 

Unto Our Caccia with all that entails 

Done November 6th, AS LVI

At Crown Tournament in the

Barony of Bergental

Butt Enough About Me, Onto the Blog!

Choosing the writing style for this scroll was easy. I had just done research on the Court Barony I wrote for Baroness Timbrien, who also had a Roman Gladiatrix persona. The recommendation specifically mentioned Timbrien as a mentor to the recipient. 

 

I started looking for information about female gladiators to try to find inspiration.  I did not find much. In the Essays on the History and Culture of Rome I found a piece on The Roman Gladiator and the writings of Gaius Cornelius Tacitus (c.56 AD - c.120 AD) Women were rarely mentioned other than a passing reference. I did find New evidence of female gladiators, which was particularly lovely for all the extant photos of statues and mosaics of female gladiators.

 

While this line of inquiry wasn’t as fruitful as I had hoped, it was certainly an interesting side trip through internet research. Looking elsewhere for inspiration, I turned to the recipient's write-up ... and quickly realized this scroll was going to contain a long string of "butt" jokes. (I checked with the knight listed as the recipient's contact and was assured she'd appreciate it, for reasons that will become apparent.)

Her first event lit fires under her 

proverbial gluteus maximus 

These first 2 sentences were taken directly from the recommendation and heavily influenced by the recipient's household motto (more on that later).  Using “gluteus maximus” was particularly amusing for me.  Not only was this actual Latin, but a reference to Gluteus Maximus – a legionary chosen to represent Rome at the Olympics -- in Asterix at the Olympic Games, a comic I associate with the 1984 Olympics. 

Then pledged to never sit and watch again 

This was a reference to the recipient's first time watching fighting in the East Kingdom and their desire to never sit on the sidelines. 

"Sit" is another reference to the posterior, and also an evocative reminder of, "as I sit, there I was" (a common replacement for the popular phrase, "no sh*t, there I was," often accompanied by a gesture toward the speaker’s arse).

I wrote the next few sentences about the subject. I  had distilled the qualities praised in the recommendation down to three basic elements:

• She inspires

• She has drive

• She practices in adverse conditions (as the majority of her SCAdian experience has been duing COVID)

Caccia Trice Stenone is before us now 

A standard introduction to the recipient.  I tried a few times, but couldn't manage a rump reference here.

She sparks under tails, so folk can excel 

The write up specifically mentions how she inspired a household member to enter Crown for the first time ... lit a fire under their ass, so to speak.  But I had to work within my 10 syllable limit, convey that it was her actions that were inspiring others, and not use the word, “ass.” (That came later.)

She Works her rear off in this time of plague

This was the “has drive” sentence.  The majority of her time in the SCA has been during COVID and she has still pushed herself and others in her group.

My process is to write the words in a fairly straightforward and traditional way. Then keep on altering individual words.
For the third of these descriptive sentences, my first version was:

Has the drive to move ever forward 

... based on the aforementioned distilled qualities. But I rump - er, ramped up the butt references, so I cheekily changed it to:

She's moving ever forward, not behind

Caccia follows her household motto 

"Totus Kulas aut Nulus Kulas"  

"All Ass or No Ass” For half-assed she is not 

And now we get to the real reason behind all these references: the recipient's household, La Familia Gladiatoria, had a very detailed wiki page that included this motto!

And today We: Ioannes, Emperor!

Honig, Empress! Give the Silver Tyger 

I rarely put punctuation into scrolls, as it's usually not period for a variety of eras and just adds another “letter” for the calligraphers to draw.  But in this case I included the exclamation point as a guide to the herald who would read the scroll in court.

Unto Our Caccia with all that entails

And alas, that's the "end" of the jokes for this scroll.  I feel a little guilty that it is essentially a repeat, but the word was perfect here. This is the recipient’s first award in the SCA and I wanted to indicate that she will have the Award of Arms that accompanies the armerigious awards.

Done November 6th, AS LVI

At Crown Tournament in the

Barony of Bergental

During the last year and a half of COVID Times, it was specifically requested that the date be left out of any scroll presented in an Ethereal Court. Now here I was including the information again.  I didn't even try to use unrhymed iambic pentameter.  It added an extra 13 words, bringing the total up to 100 - usually the limit of what I like to include in an AoA or armerigious scroll.

All told I used seven different references to butt in the scroll and nine more in the write up.  I had a load of fun writing this, and I hope that the recipient and the folk at court will enjoy it as well.  It's been a while since I could string together so many jokes in one scroll. It's nice to get, uh, back to that.

This was first slated to go out at the Crown Tournament of Ioannes II & Honig II

Instead it has gone out at Les Beltaines XXXIII (EK Rapier Championship)

Confirmed received at  Les Beltaines
Les Beltaines XXXIII (EK Rapier Championship)
EK Gazette: Court Report: Les Beltaines