Aislinn's Word-Hoard: Fearghus mac Cailin

Emperor Ioannes and Empress Honig

Rulers of the pastoral East Kingdom
Have herd that Our Fearghus has a reputation
Of telling the amooosing tales of the father:
“Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold?”
“To keep each udder warm!”
He’d receive bawling groans. Milking puns for all they're worth.
Clearly, his renown is not meaty-ocre!
He’s been wont to say, “Are you working hard, or hardly working?”
But the work that needs done, will be, and done well.
It would be a mis-steak to overlook his accomplishments
Rare-ly do We get the chance to braise, er praise
A gentle such as Fearghus mac Cailin
Verily he has never steered Us wrong!
Our only beef is that his brow is bare -
Today We make him Baron of Our Court
We are over the moon to have this done
At East Kingdom 12th Night in the Shire of Panther Vale

puns highlighted

Word Count 150

~THE COWS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM~

We are from the planet Larson on the Far Side of the BLOG

This ended up being a bit of a departure for me. I didn't follow a particular rhyme scheme pegged to the recipient's persona or the inspiration scroll.

Instead, the scribe asked if I'd like to do a scroll with puns and dad jokes?

Would I?!

YES!

And then promptly hit a blank wall and my brain turned off.

I started randomly looking up puns about Marvel's Loki (the character was mentioned in the write up.) I found: "Why did Loki throw a temper tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek?

Because he was a Thor loser"

Pun-tastic, but not enough to launch me into a full scroll.

I looked through puns about medieval subjects. Puns written about medieval Knights and Queens. I even briefly looked at puns made in the medieval era. As the majority of the historic puns I found were incredibly misogynistic or fat jokes, I left that train of thought behind.

In desperation, I just started writing bad jokes down and came up with:

He’s been wont to say, “Are you working hard, or hardly working?”

But the work that needs done, will be, and done well

This sentence is the heart of the scroll and encompasses all the descriptions I received of the recipient and why he was getting the Court Barony. For all the jokes and puns he tells he would quietly and efficiently get whatever job that needed done. A most laudable skill.

“Done well'' was the phrase that hovered in the back of my mind and ended up being the true inspiration. I started looking up cow puns and few sentences came out:

It would be a mis-steak to overlook his accomplishments

Rare-ly do We get the chance to braise, er praise

A gentle such as Fearghus mac Cailin

Adding the "braise, er praise" seemed to raise the steaks and cement the cow theme in my mind. Once again I find myself hopeful that the herald will read this the way I say it in my mind. Hoping not to butcher this scroll, I began writing in earnest.

Emperor Ioannes and Empress Honig

Rulers of the pastoral East Kingdom

Their Majesties' names and our kingdom went through a few versions before I settled on this one. It finally gelled with the addition of "pastoral" - an adjective used for or related to country life, especially the keeping or grazing of sheep or cattle.

Have herd that Our Fearghus has a reputation

I always hope the herald emphasizes these highlighted words, to make the homonyms stand out.

Of telling the amooosing tales of the father:

I am fond of this sentence for 2 reasons. First for turning amusing into amoosing. With all the bovine references in the scroll, “moo” certainly had to appear somewhere. Instead of saying "dad joke" I used “amusing tales of the father.” A kind of turning modern parlance into the proper medieval style cadence.

“Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold?”

“To keep each udder warm!”

Both udder (uddre) and other (ōther) have their origins in Middle English and seem to be essentially pronounced the same way today. I don’t think it much of a stretch that medieval folk would have made a similar joke.

He’d receive bawling groans. Milking puns for all they're worth.

Clearly, his renown is not meaty-ocre!

Wherein I went a little mad-cow with all the puns.

This is one of those times that I wrote the first few sentences down and they ended up adding almost 30 extra words to the scroll. I could have cut these, but they are the meat of the funny. I tried to be as economical with my words as possible.

Verily he has never steered Us wrong!

Our only beef is that his brow is bare -

Today We make him Baron of Our Court

This section stampedes toward the introduction of the award. Even if they were to be read without the emphasis, I feel they would flow like any other scroll. Of course, the best puns are those which hide in the sentence.

We are over the moon to have this done

At East Kingdom 12th Night in the Shire of Panther Vale

I managed to herd in one more cow pun at the tail end, with the reference to ”Hey, diddle, diddle.” It's not exactly "period," but if you're going to split hairs, just hoof it on out of here. ;)

I was told that this scroll was on brand for me. There are 15 cow puns and references and 11 more in this write up. I dearly hope the recipient enjoys cow puns.
Calligraphy and Illumination by Tola knitýr
Definitions and word origins came from both Merriam Webster and Dictionary.com
East Kingdom Twelfth Night ***CANCELED***
Went out at Ethereal Court of Their Royal Majesties Ioannes II and Honig II

March 17th, 2022
At the 39:02 - 40:04 marks respectively

East Kingdom Gazette: Court Report: Ethereal Court of Their Royal Majesties Ioannes II and Honig II